I don't like it when my friends suffer. Even ones I haven't talked to in years and years. I don't like it when for whatever reason a life is taken, especially when it is a young life. I don't know why, and I don't care it wasn't justified. Everyone deserves a chance to live life. To experience an ice cream cone, and getting it everywhere. To know what hugs and kisses from Mom and Dad feel like and to remember that experience. No one should have to go through the experience of watching their child die.
Today feel like a "fuck it all" kind of day. Too much hurt in this world coupled with injustice. Unfortunately there isn't a damn thing anyone can do about. We all stand by and watch, say, "I'm sorry for your loss". Do we really know what these people are experiencing? or do we just feel bad out of reflex? I can't imagine having my child for nearly 5 months and then having them gone. It is not only unfair, it's cruel. Unfortunately that is how life works. There are times when children are stole before they are even born. We don't even get to meet them. Honestly I think knowing a child and then having them leave is worse. People will say, "At least they aren't suffering.", I promise you these statements will not help.
There is no family member you want to say "goodbye" too. Sometimes, we don't get a choice. Sometimes life makes you say it. Disease ends a life too soon, or someone gives up treatment because they feel they have fought long enough. We all cry. I cry still sometimes. Her number is still programmed in my phone... but it's not her number anymore. All that is left of her is her ashes and a piece of paper saying she is no longer here. With all the historical information about her work, and parents, and all that. As her family, we don't care about all that we just want her back. I guess I still just wish we had talked more. I wish I hadn't let someone else that was temporary in my life take away time I could have had with her. I still blame him. I probably always will. Though I'll probably never tell him, because he won't care.
Is there no difference between the death of a child and a death of a loved one that has lived many years? Which one is harder? Having not known them more, or known them longer?
People are always shaken more by the loss of a baby. Lost opportunity, and mostly the loss of their hopes and dreams of being a parent. The extreme emptiness that follows the loss of an infant can not be adequately described. When an older person loses their life, we are either wrought with anguish at the loss of someone too soon, or relieved that the individual is no longer "suffering".
I despise, loathe and detest "Cancer" any form really. That people have to suffer with the disease makes my stomach ill. Colon cancer, breast cancer, cervical cancer, the list goes on and on.
What we do know is "Life" be it a couple of months with not breath taken. 5 months in a hospital... or 62 years with 2 kids a few husbands, a work history and grandkids, and great grandkids, life is still precious.
We all grieve. We also all do it in our own way. For those that have not lost directly, all we can do is offer support. Support that is not very much help if we haven't experienced the event first hand.
There are also different types of grief. Grief for the loss of a loved one. Grief for the loss of a dream. Grief for the loss of something we thought would be great that turned out to be a giant train wreck. Unfortunately all we can do, no matter the type of grief is deal with it, and move on.
Not easy sometimes, but all we can do.
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