Today Sucks!!!

I woke this morning at 3:30am to my husband getting in the shower he had to be at the airport to leave for a business trip. Thankfully this trip is only an overnight. Whenever he leaves to go anywhere it's me + 4 kids + 2 dogs + not listening = annoyed stressed out me. This morning was no exception to that. I tried to hard to make this morning go smoothly too. I had the hubby change around the dishwasher last night so the kids lunch tupperware was clean and ready to pack. That is only helpful if the dishwasher actually gets started :|. Woke up this morning to no toilet paper in my bathroom which ment wiping with a paper towel. For anyone out there that's had to do this knows it very scratchy. Then I had to wash all the kids lunch containers cause the dishwasher was still dirty (I don't blame the hubby for this). I watched him press the button off and on again which is what we do. Apparently it was off and it didn't get pressed enough to be turned on again for the wash cycle to start. Obnoxious, but understandable and by no means his fault. It just compounded and made my morning harder. 

I have kids laundry to do today, but for right now I'm sitting here. Decompressing listening to pandora and letting it out so I don't explode. Hoping that as the day goes on it gets better. That the baby stops being a giant douche, and that I can find motivation to get the stuff done that I need to. 

I just wish that just once, just one time that he left that first day he was gone went a little smoother. That I felt less like I had been hung out to dry for everyone to walk on and laugh at. I guess it's just overwhelming and of course I can't have it be without obstacles, because that would be too easy.  

Feelings/Hurting/Helping

How do you help someone that you know is hurting? How do you help someone when there is nothing you can really do to help them? There is nothing that I can directly do, except to be there. I can however provide the tools for this person to cope with the unpleasant part of the current situation. So I ordered a few things that I think might help. I'm hoping they help and that they are received with gratitude verses a chuckle. I guess we will see. I had always been against going and seeing a therapist, but during my first marriage I learned a whole lot about myself going and seeing one. It was then I realized they weren't all that bad, once I got comfortable enough to actually talk about things. Though I think if I had been more open to begin with about seeing someone I might have opened up a bit soon. Who knows though, that was quite a few years ago and I don't like to dwell on things that happened in the past. It's just a waste of time. 


Life is good for the most part. I still struggle sometimes to find time for myself, and time with the hubby. With four kids here though it is something that I'm not surprised about. We do date night from time to time (when we can afford it), and I try and read when the baby naps (if I'm not busy doing other errand type things). I am happy, though I miss getting out of the house I don't miss it enough to try and change it. I'm hoping for warmer weather soon, because that will help ease that feeling. I'll get out and walk more, and Kaylee and I will be outside more during the day when she is awake. I love warm weather. There is just something about the sun that makes it so you have to smile. 


Everyone is going to have different ideas of what is right for you, but ultimately you are the only one that gets to make the choices. The choice to smile or cry, to be happy or sad are all up to you. Other people can affect us, but we can't let what they feel overwhelm us because like your feelings, their feelings are their own. We are only responsible for what we can control. Unfortunately there are a lot of things in life that we can't control, especially if we are underage. We are completely dependent and at the mercy of our parents until we move out on our own. For some kids this is difficult more so for those forced to grow up too fast. Those kids struggle with the idea that although mentally they are older they are still not grown and can't be out on their own yet. 


One day at a time, it's all we can do. Sometimes it's hard to slow down enough to deal with things that before we may not have had time to deal with. Things are better dealt with then ignored, that way we cope with the feelings instead of repressing them. Repressing only guarantees that they will come back and visit sometime in the future. For those that think they can make feelings go away, are only made out to be a fool when they find out they are wrong.