This is something that I've never really talked about. Mostly because I know I'm not the only one that has had this happen to them. I have a wonderful Mom, she's made her mistakes, but she's awesome (not perfect, but still awesome). After she divorced my dead beat sperm donor, she married a great man. Whom I now call my Dad, and have for years.
I have to wonder why my "sperm donor" didn't think I was worth his time. I know sometimes kids are not planned, but you don't have to make that the kids fault. I honestly think that I turned out better because he stayed out of my life. Shhhh don't tell anyone, but I think he's a loser. I've been back stateside since December 2009, and he has made no attempt to talk to me, contact me or even to see his grandkids. He's even got one that he's never met. I'm not sure, but that might say a whole lot about the type of person he is. From what I'm told he's got a girlfriend now. I hope she makes him happy. Part of me wonders if she even knows he's got a kid (grown or not) that he never sees. Most women don't find the dead beat dad quality attractive.
I wonder if he ever thinks about the family he is missing out on. The grandkids at christmas's, birthdays and other holidays. It just goes to show that some people really shouldn't have kids, or grandkids or anything that gives life meaning. Some people just take it all for granted.
Although this topic will always cause me a little sadness. For the kids, and some for myself, because I do have some cool memories of him. Just wish I guess, that I mattered to him.
Maybe when he gets old and I'm his only living relative I'll matter then. Though I doubt it.
His loss.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
New Blog, and better out then in!
I have decided that there are times that some of the things that I want to say, don't belong on my family blog. So I've created one just for my thoughts. One to let out the things that maybe sometimes people don't want to hear. To let out the things that just can't be kept inside.
First off, I hate being lied to. I also hate feeling like I've been lied to. I spend a good many years weaving my own set of lies. Living a lie really, so now to be lied to or be around someone that lies is unacceptable. Oh, having spent so long doing it, I'm really good at knowing when someone else is doing it. I got rid of the reason I needed to lie, fear. Now the only secrets I keep are about presents, and really half the time I'm not very good about doing that.
Second, people do change not often but it happens. I'm a testament to this, but I won't bore you with the details as to why.
I don't judge people, but if you make bad decisions over and over of course the only thing that can be expected is another bad decision. Unless of course the person changes, but like I said above, that doesn't happen often. There are also degrees of bad decisions to consider here as well. The choice to not tell when you've forgotten to do your homework is a small bad decision verses, the choice to do drugs or beat up people which are large bad decisions. Of course these are just examples of the differences in bad decisions.
If you are going to talk big, you best be able to act big. Words are empty without follow through. If you say you are going to do something, do it. I understand that things come up and life happens. Instances like that are not what I'm referring to here. What I'm talking about it when someone says they are going to stand up and do what's right, and then are too scared to do it. Fear sucks, but it shouldn't stop you from living. I know that change is hard. I can say that having experienced it first hand. It's worth it though.
I get annoyed when I'm dragged into drama that isn't my problem. I don't mind helping, but I don't like being asked to do something by someone that doesn't have any respect for anyone. Someone that pretends to respect me, but well that could be a lie too.
I try and "save" everyone. If someone is in trouble, I try and help. When my help is turned down, I drop it. Even when I know I'm right about something, I let it go. I can't help someone with something though that I completely disagree with. Someone that can't take care of themselves, doesn't need to me taking care of anyone else. This falls right into the bad decisions thing I was talking about above. Someone that repeatedly makes bad decisions about themselves, is not projected to do anything but repeat bad decisions. Unfortunately in this case the bad decisions start affecting someone else. That's where the situation gets ugly.
I feel a little better now, better out then in I always say.
First off, I hate being lied to. I also hate feeling like I've been lied to. I spend a good many years weaving my own set of lies. Living a lie really, so now to be lied to or be around someone that lies is unacceptable. Oh, having spent so long doing it, I'm really good at knowing when someone else is doing it. I got rid of the reason I needed to lie, fear. Now the only secrets I keep are about presents, and really half the time I'm not very good about doing that.
Second, people do change not often but it happens. I'm a testament to this, but I won't bore you with the details as to why.
I don't judge people, but if you make bad decisions over and over of course the only thing that can be expected is another bad decision. Unless of course the person changes, but like I said above, that doesn't happen often. There are also degrees of bad decisions to consider here as well. The choice to not tell when you've forgotten to do your homework is a small bad decision verses, the choice to do drugs or beat up people which are large bad decisions. Of course these are just examples of the differences in bad decisions.
If you are going to talk big, you best be able to act big. Words are empty without follow through. If you say you are going to do something, do it. I understand that things come up and life happens. Instances like that are not what I'm referring to here. What I'm talking about it when someone says they are going to stand up and do what's right, and then are too scared to do it. Fear sucks, but it shouldn't stop you from living. I know that change is hard. I can say that having experienced it first hand. It's worth it though.
I get annoyed when I'm dragged into drama that isn't my problem. I don't mind helping, but I don't like being asked to do something by someone that doesn't have any respect for anyone. Someone that pretends to respect me, but well that could be a lie too.
I try and "save" everyone. If someone is in trouble, I try and help. When my help is turned down, I drop it. Even when I know I'm right about something, I let it go. I can't help someone with something though that I completely disagree with. Someone that can't take care of themselves, doesn't need to me taking care of anyone else. This falls right into the bad decisions thing I was talking about above. Someone that repeatedly makes bad decisions about themselves, is not projected to do anything but repeat bad decisions. Unfortunately in this case the bad decisions start affecting someone else. That's where the situation gets ugly.
I feel a little better now, better out then in I always say.
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